Ouija Plana 3

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Ouija Plana 3
Thursday, April 1, 2021

Ouija has released a turntable specifically aimed at those wishing to contact their lost friends and relations via the cosmic medium of vinyl. The Ouija Plana has been specially designed to assist in seances for deceased relatives who suffered from audiophilia and vinylitus. Its makers claim that playing a loved one’s favourite album backwards will create a link to the other side, allowing the bereaved to reach out through time and space and make audio contact. With the Ouija Plana 3 acting as a medium to the spirit world it might just be possible to ask Uncle Baz where he put the stylus cleaner, but then again it may not. It is of course essential to follow the correct ritual when using the Ouija Plana 3, merely lobbing on a copy of Dark Side will not do, you need to have the correct number of audiophiles present and each should be perched on a single billet aluminium pedestal. Then they need to chant the sacred texts in full without any mistakes or giggling, then and only then may you spin the vinyl and drop in the needle whilst keeping your chakras fully aligned.